Taylor Swift is so right about you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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