hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
