More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
