I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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