I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
