the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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