he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
