if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
