He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
