I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
