I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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