Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
