I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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