Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
