You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
