Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
