Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
