i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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