I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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