I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize