I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
