Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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