shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
