True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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