when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize