he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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