we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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