mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize