She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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