I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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