i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
