the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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