are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
