Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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