I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the raccoons are back...
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