You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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