just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
