are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
