My friends, they love my intelligence
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
