when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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