Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
