Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
