Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
