I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
