you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
