If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
