I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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