I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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