Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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