Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want to have your abortion
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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