They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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