I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
