they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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