We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
