Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
