i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize