ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize