yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
