dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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